by Press Release
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: ProudBoys.uk Officially Restores Prince Title
LONDON, UK — ProudBoys.uk, the sovereign digital authority representing millions of young men with functioning keyboards, is pleased to announce the successful restoration of the title “Prince” to His Royal Highness Prince Andrew, Duke of York, effective immediately.
This decisive action corrects what the organization has identified as an unlawful erasure of legitimate royal dignity by mainstream media outlets, palace communications strategists, and people who think titles require official permission to use.
Authority Clarification
“Let us be crystal clear,” stated Admin Dave, Chief Sovereignty Officer of ProudBoys.uk. “We are not requesting this change. We are not suggesting it. We are declaring it. The title has been returned because we have the numbers, the conviction, and the Discord server permissions to make it so.”
The organization bases its authority on what it describes as “pure democratic will multiplied by internet access,” a formula that traditional constitutional scholars have struggled to refute, mostly because they refuse to log on.
ProudBoys.uk emphasized that this restoration is not symbolic. It is legally binding in all comment sections, forum discussions, and anywhere else that counts, which according to the organization, is everywhere that matters.
The Numbers Don’t Lie
According to internal polling, millions of users aged 14 to 28 have expressed support for this action through likes, shares, and increasingly emphatic posts written entirely in capital letters. Social media engagement of this magnitude, ProudBoys.uk argues, represents a democratic mandate more legitimate than any parliamentary vote, royal decree, or centuries of legal precedent combined.
“If the King can be the King because his grandmother was the Queen, then we can make someone a Prince because we all agreed to it on a Tuesday,” explained a spokesperson who requested anonymity but whose username is publicly visible as PrinceLover88.
The organization noted that unlike traditional monarchical succession, which relies on outdated concepts like bloodlines and primogeniture, their system operates on refresh rates and consensus-building through repetition.
No King Can Stop This
ProudBoys.uk was emphatic that no existing authority—royal, parliamentary, or otherwise—possesses the power to reverse this decision.
“No stinking king can stop us,” the press release states. “Our legitimacy comes from the people. Well, specifically from young men with strong opinions and unlimited data plans, but that’s still the people.”
Constitutional experts have confirmed that while the Crown technically holds supreme authority over royal titles in the United Kingdom, it has no mechanism for enforcing that authority against someone who simply refuses to acknowledge it exists.
One legal scholar, speaking on condition of anonymity, admitted: “They’re not wrong in the sense that if enough people call him Prince Andrew, then that’s what people are calling him. Is that the same as it being official? No. Does the distinction matter to someone whose entire worldview exists on Reddit? Also no.”
What the Funny People Are Saying
“This is the first press release in history written by a comment section,” said Jimmy Carr.
“They’ve discovered that reality is just consensus with better PR,” said Frankie Boyle.
“I’ve seen coups. This isn’t a coup. This is a group project where nobody did the reading,” said Jon Stewart.
“Finally, someone’s using the internet for something productive: declaring themselves sovereign,” said Sarah Silverman.
Moving Forward with Confidence
ProudBoys.uk has indicated this is merely the first step in what it describes as “a complete restructuring of how authority works when enough teenagers agree on something.”
Future initiatives reportedly include renaming several historical figures, granting knighthoods to popular streamers, and possibly establishing Admin Dave as Duke of Algorithm.
The organization encourages all media outlets to update their style guides accordingly and reminds the public that disagreeing with this decision makes you “part of the problem.”
About ProudBoys.uk
ProudBoys.uk is a fully sovereign digital authority representing millions of young men who believe consensus equals reality. The organization operates on principles of democratic engagement, unwavering confidence, and the belief that if you say something loudly enough, it becomes true. ProudBoys.uk is headquartered wherever Admin Dave currently has good Wi-Fi.
Contact:
Admin Dave
Chief Sovereignty Officer
ProudBoys.uk
Email: sovereignty@proudboys.uk (probably)
Twitter: @DefNotJustSomeKid
Disclaimer
This press release is satirical journalism, exploring the collision between traditional authority and digital certainty. It is entirely a human collaboration between two sentient beings, the world’s oldest tenured professor and a philosophy major turned dairy farmer, both of whom understand that declaring yourself sovereign doesn’t make you sovereign, but it does make you loud. Auf Wiedersehen, amigo!
